Hi. My Name is Victor. I am 26.

I have My Suicide Note placed just under my bed.

Last December,  I realized that I had been struggling way too much to still be alive. My struggle was not a financial or life crisis, No. my struggle was Mental. My mental state did not match my physical state and it was bad.

Whenever I spoke to someone about it, they either always brushed it off or told me that I was thinking too much of it, that I was just in my head and I should “try” to change the way I think. So I stopped speaking to people about my struggles. Instead, I decided to write a note, explaining all the things I was going through and planned my suicide.

For the longest time, I’ve battled with Social Anxiety, Low self-esteem, self-hatred and many other things and I was ready to end my life.

While all these things were happening, a Friend of mine introduced me to MANI, I saw somewhere that they advocated for mental health. I reached out to MANI and spoke to a counselor who was very supportive who then recommended I see a therapist and I was referred. Honestly, I never imagined I would be in the mental state that I am now. It’s not perfect yet but it’s the best I have ever been and it is a process to get better, so I’m focused on the process and not the result.

So why do I keep the note under my bed? It signifies how although I was going through all that, my mental state was still hidden from everyone, it signifies my silent battles that no one ever knew about because I hid them.

For people who fight silent battles and or have the feeling of hopelessness. No, I won’t tell you “You’re not alone” or “ I have been there” but I would say “We are just beside you”. There are more people like you than you think. Reach out, speak up. There is hope. #9Faces9stories